Dear you,

Why you still affect me is BEYOND me. I definitely wasn't anticipating this. I wish that I could move on, find someone new. But all I can think about is how good you were to me. How you put in the EFFORT to come see me. You talked to me everyday, made me laugh with like it was the easiest thing in the entire world. I could be myself with you. Make mistakes and you'd laugh, but it made them that much funnier. We had inside jokes, talked about the deepest things I don't think I could tell anyone else! You were my best friend for two months while I had no one. I think that's why it's so hard for me to get past everything. And then suddenly you avoided me. Let me think you were just "too tired." And it hurt. It hurt really bad. Maybe it's because you had a different way of living. And that's not something I minded. But, I definitely won't give up my eternal happiness for that. So, even though I still struggle with you everyday, I'm getting a little bit stronger everyday too. I hope one day I will be able to go a day without being sad about you for at least five minutes of my day. I wish you well, and I hope we can be friends without me secretly wanting to be with you either. That's something I wish for everyday. Hopefully we'll get to that point ya? This is my letter to you. If you read it, I don't know, maybe you'll be awkward. Maybe you won't talk to me anymore. But it's finally out in the open. And that's all that matters. I'm starting to live with no regrets, and that's something I'll do for the rest of my life.
Love, Me.

PS. I'm taking my next step!

Christmas Eve :)

IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE!!!
I love it.
So fantastic.
I can't wait to hear Christ's life in Luke 2.
My favorite part of this season.
TRADITION!
Santa's helper. :)
I love the season for giving.
It's everywhere!
and yet again...
I love it. :)

Will Prince Charming ever come??

Well it sure doesn't feel like it!!
I always feel like when I meet a guy, it starts off really amazing. We start talking and we hang out a couple times and it's still great. I feel like I'm finally starting to catch a break. When all of a sudden it gets pulled right out from under me and I have to start from square one. Why?! Why is it that every person I like or am attracted to, looks my way and makes me feel like they could be different, just to have me turn around to see the true colors?
It's interesting... Because, I know I'm not the prettiest girl and I definitely have my quirks and flaws. But I deserve to be happy too right??
So what is the Lord telling me?? Where do I need to go in life? What is it that I need to do for me to finally be happy with that one person I will love forever? Who will take me to the Temple, and be a worthy priesthood holder, and love the gospel, and have a testimony that will make me cry tears of joy everytime I hear it?!! That's the life I want. But I feel like I'm looking to hard. So here is something that I might try. I'm gonna stop looking. I want him to find me. And hopefully he will soon. Because being lonely is definitely not the easiest thing.
I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm a sucker for love. No matter how much I say I hate love, I really dont. It's one of the most precious things ever. And I can't wait to be in love!!! So, prince charming. Hurry and find me will ya?!

Ugh...

I just need someone to wrap their arms around me and not let go for about 24 hours...

Inadequate...

Why is it that in the end I always feel inadequate? I'm having a hard time understanding when this started. I think it's time to change up the playing field. I will be confident and not depend on your opinion and your rhyme or reason. It's time for me to take a stand and be me. Whether you like it or not, I am here. I am me. I will not be shut down. I can be happy without you. I WILL be happy without you. All I need is the Lord on my side. He is there. He is my number one fan. And that's all I need!! I know that now. I am empowered. I am loved. He knows me. He knows my struggles. I have had many, that's for sure. Now is the time for happiness. And I'm ready.