Why you still affect me is BEYOND me. I definitely wasn't anticipating this. I wish that I could move on, find someone new. But all I can think about is how good you were to me. How you put in the EFFORT to come see me. You talked to me everyday, made me laugh with like it was the easiest thing in the entire world. I could be myself with you. Make mistakes and you'd laugh, but it made them that much funnier. We had inside jokes, talked about the deepest things I don't think I could tell anyone else! You were my best friend for two months while I had no one. I think that's why it's so hard for me to get past everything. And then suddenly you avoided me. Let me think you were just "too tired." And it hurt. It hurt really bad. Maybe it's because you had a different way of living. And that's not something I minded. But, I definitely won't give up my eternal happiness for that. So, even though I still struggle with you everyday, I'm getting a little bit stronger everyday too. I hope one day I will be able to go a day without being sad about you for at least five minutes of my day. I wish you well, and I hope we can be friends without me secretly wanting to be with you either. That's something I wish for everyday. Hopefully we'll get to that point ya? This is my letter to you. If you read it, I don't know, maybe you'll be awkward. Maybe you won't talk to me anymore. But it's finally out in the open. And that's all that matters. I'm starting to live with no regrets, and that's something I'll do for the rest of my life.
Love, Me.
PS. I'm taking my next step!
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hey..
ReplyDeletei just felt like dropping a note to say that it doesn't get easier. but you learn to live with it. and eventually you won't have to think about NOT thinking about it. i find that it helps to get out and do something or be with someone even if you don't want to be. in the end you'll be glad that you did because you had fun.
don't worry, you'll be stronger in no time (: