Dear you,

Why you still affect me is BEYOND me. I definitely wasn't anticipating this. I wish that I could move on, find someone new. But all I can think about is how good you were to me. How you put in the EFFORT to come see me. You talked to me everyday, made me laugh with like it was the easiest thing in the entire world. I could be myself with you. Make mistakes and you'd laugh, but it made them that much funnier. We had inside jokes, talked about the deepest things I don't think I could tell anyone else! You were my best friend for two months while I had no one. I think that's why it's so hard for me to get past everything. And then suddenly you avoided me. Let me think you were just "too tired." And it hurt. It hurt really bad. Maybe it's because you had a different way of living. And that's not something I minded. But, I definitely won't give up my eternal happiness for that. So, even though I still struggle with you everyday, I'm getting a little bit stronger everyday too. I hope one day I will be able to go a day without being sad about you for at least five minutes of my day. I wish you well, and I hope we can be friends without me secretly wanting to be with you either. That's something I wish for everyday. Hopefully we'll get to that point ya? This is my letter to you. If you read it, I don't know, maybe you'll be awkward. Maybe you won't talk to me anymore. But it's finally out in the open. And that's all that matters. I'm starting to live with no regrets, and that's something I'll do for the rest of my life.
Love, Me.

PS. I'm taking my next step!

Christmas Eve :)

IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE!!!
I love it.
So fantastic.
I can't wait to hear Christ's life in Luke 2.
My favorite part of this season.
TRADITION!
Santa's helper. :)
I love the season for giving.
It's everywhere!
and yet again...
I love it. :)

Will Prince Charming ever come??

Well it sure doesn't feel like it!!
I always feel like when I meet a guy, it starts off really amazing. We start talking and we hang out a couple times and it's still great. I feel like I'm finally starting to catch a break. When all of a sudden it gets pulled right out from under me and I have to start from square one. Why?! Why is it that every person I like or am attracted to, looks my way and makes me feel like they could be different, just to have me turn around to see the true colors?
It's interesting... Because, I know I'm not the prettiest girl and I definitely have my quirks and flaws. But I deserve to be happy too right??
So what is the Lord telling me?? Where do I need to go in life? What is it that I need to do for me to finally be happy with that one person I will love forever? Who will take me to the Temple, and be a worthy priesthood holder, and love the gospel, and have a testimony that will make me cry tears of joy everytime I hear it?!! That's the life I want. But I feel like I'm looking to hard. So here is something that I might try. I'm gonna stop looking. I want him to find me. And hopefully he will soon. Because being lonely is definitely not the easiest thing.
I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm a sucker for love. No matter how much I say I hate love, I really dont. It's one of the most precious things ever. And I can't wait to be in love!!! So, prince charming. Hurry and find me will ya?!

Ugh...

I just need someone to wrap their arms around me and not let go for about 24 hours...

Inadequate...

Why is it that in the end I always feel inadequate? I'm having a hard time understanding when this started. I think it's time to change up the playing field. I will be confident and not depend on your opinion and your rhyme or reason. It's time for me to take a stand and be me. Whether you like it or not, I am here. I am me. I will not be shut down. I can be happy without you. I WILL be happy without you. All I need is the Lord on my side. He is there. He is my number one fan. And that's all I need!! I know that now. I am empowered. I am loved. He knows me. He knows my struggles. I have had many, that's for sure. Now is the time for happiness. And I'm ready.

This is the epitome of me I feel like!

Thanksgiving.

I LOVE THIS HOLIDAY!!!

It indeed is so so fantastic. I love the food. I love the company. But most of all I love the traditions we have as we celebrate! I got to spend time with family that I never really got to spend time with! It was amazing. The relationships that have grown are somethings I will cherish forever more! :)

Hmmm...

Sometimes... I don't know what to think.





Help??

Happy Halloween!!!

HEYYY!!! It's Halloween! 

You know what that means????

My birthday is tomorrow!! :)

Mr. Darcy

So... Last night I watched the greatest movie in the whole world. Which one you ask? The only one ever.

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE. 

My favorite movie of all time. I know I say that I have a lot of favorite movies, but this one takes the cake. While watching, I wondered why everyone loves Mr. Darcy? I mean, me included. Because during the movie, he is self righteous and rude. What could be so charming about that? BUT! As the movie goes on you realize that he is kind, thoughtful, and would do anything for the woman he loves! Which includes pays for her sister's wedding. I mean, how can it get any better than that!?!?!? It doesn't. 

I could watch this movie over and over. I do it everytime I think to put it in the dvd player. Yup. I'm obsessed. Do I care...? Not really. :)

Why is it so hard...?

Why is it so hard to date?
Have you ever thought about that?
Well, here's my thoughts on this subject.

I feel like men have to play this game. Like you're some sort of object that they can do whatever they want. Which, in my opinion, is not ok!! Women are precious, gentle, kind, loving, fragile. We have feelings and emotions. And when those are toyed with or just thrown around, our confidence falls and/or is shattered! But here's the catch. WE LET THEM! Why do we let them do that?? What is it in our mentality that's allows them to take over? Well let me tell you.
We feel like if we do all we can to possibly impress them or say anything they wanna hear then they'll want us around. But sometimes we need to tell them flat out NO! When you tell them no, it's almost like they have a bigger respect for you. But do we want to tell them no?? Of course not! Why would we ever say no to someone we want to be with more than anything! Well, I've come to find that telling them no keeps them around. But eventually, it doesn't last. They break your heart and go somewhere else to find someone who is going to give in. You may cry and Get hurt but it'll take the right girl to change a man. That's what I have learned. Crazy right?? Well, it makes perfect sense to me. Maybe, hopefully, I'll one day be the right girl for someone. We can only hope. And my motto is it'll happen when it happens. In the mean time, live life to the fullest! :)

Long time coming...

Well folks, it's been a while! I know, I know, I slacked big time!

Well, I just happen to be getting over the wretched strep throat. It was horrid.
BUT! I will tell you that it has been the best break from work ever. No offense to my lovelies there but I was gettin worn out. I think that's why I got sick....

Anyway, moving on!

WHAT do you do when you feel like you were over something and then all of a sudden it's slapped you in the face and you're back where you started?? I'm not sure how I feel about this. ALL I know is that I've just wanted to scream my guts out, but haven't because I'm not exactly in a secluded area... haha.

What I need is my temple day. But it was postponed this week.. If you know what I mean. HA! Stupid..

SO! This week while I was sicker than ever on my couch, I watched 5 movies. :)
They were:

1. Disney's Prom.
2. Justin Bieber: Never Say Never.
3. Waiting For Forever.
4. Country Strong.
5. How do you know?

All excellent films. Definitely my taste :) I recommend them! I sobbed like a baby in waiting for forever. THAT movie was a heart-wrencher! for sure! It was definitely a great one. How do you know is probably the theme movie of my life at this point! SO great. The others were merely entertainment. I'm not a picky movie watcher except for the fact I can't stand scary movies. Those just aren't my cup of tea. haha.

That's all for today, everyone! Thanks for reading!

Cabin...

Ok so I only was at my cabin for a total of ten minutes tops! But it was the most relaxing get away I've had this whole summer! I really can't wait to get back up there next weekend! Ah!

Oh and not only that! But I got to hear a really good friend of mine speak at his homecoming this afternoon! He is incredible, and his testimony is so strong and touching! It made me feel so great just to listen to him! It really just makes me love missionaries even more! :) thank you Jason Longhurst for your talk today! :)

Feeling alone...

Ok, so I know we all feel alone at times. I know I have lately. Even when I'm with people I care about. But inside you just feel like no one understands.

There is one song I know for a fact helps me get through it. And I only know this song because my sister Eliza is a genious and choreographed a dance to it that made everyone bawl like a baby.

It's called "Never alone," by Jesse Bonanno.

He has a voice like an angel. Look it up. Love it. Let it inspire you, like it has me. :)

WHYYYYYY!??!?!?!??!

Ugh. Why is a good question.

a;ohgoawnv;oajunvksdnfaiuygakfw430fnvauhgdkcml;

That is how my stumach feels at this very moment.

Why do we have to pine over something so badly?
I find my mind wander back to soo many good memories and just pine away.
I pine away hard and for a long time. Sometimes it brings me to tears.
No one really knows how bad I pine. Most days I just want to sit in my room and never come out.
I miss everything I ever did with a certain someone. best 2 months of my life. :)
But, of course, something new that's good will come along soon. I'm waiting for it.

Could it come faster? We'll see.

Mosiah 24: 14

"And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions."

This is the greatest scripture. One I've definitely had on my mind since I gave a thought on it at ward FHE yesterday. I will be forever grateful to Kimber Kay for this scripture. It's her favorite. It's become one of mine too. Love it. Cherish it. Keep it close. Because when the time comes, you'll need it.

Love you all.

Love, Me.

understanding...

I think there is one thing single men need to understand...

If you don't want to date me, just tell me.

The end. :)

Be THAT Couple..

As I was sitting outside of the temple this fine evening, I decided something. Out of everything in this world, I want to be that married couple that comes walking out of the temple looking more in love than they did walking in. I made a promise to myself that I will be THAT couple :)

Apologies and Forgiveness...

Oh my goodness. I almost had a heart attack yesterday. No big deal! Metaphorically speaking. Ok rewind. Let's start from the beginning. Yesterday in Sunday school we were asked a serious question.

"If you only had two more days left to live, what would you do? Who would you  see?"

Well, this question struck me hard. Because you see I'd had this thought of what I would do that whole week before. So because this was brought up on this particular day, I decided to actually ACT upon my thoughts. So I sent a text and hoped he would reply. And to my surprise, he DID! My heart jumped out of my chest, down my throat to my stomach. I was so stunned when he asked if I wanted to talk on the phone. But I could hardly contain how I felt. I was so overcome with joy! This is what I had been waiting for, for longer than I can remember. I had been feeling so down and sad because of things I'd said and done to this individual. As the phone rang, my heart was pounding harder than it had in a LOOONNNG time! He answered and we talked as if nothing had been wrong. He's always been one that I could talk to so easily. So then, I got down to the nitty gritty. I DID IT!! I apologized and its like a load of stress had been lifted from my shoulders. I told him how bad I felt and how truly sorry I was, I asked for forgiveness. He said, "of course i forgive you!" Music to my ears. We caught up like you would with a long time friend who you haven't seen for ages. Which let's be honest, that's kind of how it felt. Then we ended the conversation on a good note! Something that hadn't happened for a long time. It felt AMAZING! I've been on what I like to call a spiritual high of happiness? Yep, thats it. :) And it feels SO good. 

I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did in the moment! 

ohhhh man...

i miss my friends..... :[

I love to write....

I love to write.

More than anything.

I can write what I feel.

I can write nonsense.

I can write what I think.

I can write to just write.

I love to write.

I love to write names,

places,

shapes,

things,

ANYTHING! 

Most of all. 

I love to write letters.

My pride and joy.

Letters. 

To people in different parts of this big wide world.

I can put whatever personality I want into it, 

and I couldn't be happier.

It's such a blessing! 

Hard Times

I have a new song to keep me going.

It's the best!

"Keep Your Head Up" -Andy Grammer

I've been waiting on the sunset 

Bills on my mindset 

I can get deny theyre getting high 

Higher than my income 

My income's breadcrumbs 

I've been trying to survive 

The glow that the sun gives 

Right around sunset 

Helps me realize 

This is just a journey 

Drop your worries 

You are gonna turn out fine. 

Oh, you'll turn out fine. 

Fine, oh, you'll turn out fine. 

But you gotta keep your head up, oh, 

And you can let your hair down, eh. 

you gotta keep your head up, oh, 

And you can let your hair down, eh. 

I know it's hard, know its hard, 

To remember sometimes, 

But you gotta keep your head up, oh, 

And you can let your hair down, eh. 

I've got my hands in my pockets, 

Kickin these rocks. 

Its kinda hard to watch this life go by. 

I'm buyin in the skeptics, 

Skeptics mess with, the confidence in my eyes 

I'm seeing all the angles, starts to get tangled 

I start to comprimise 

My life and the purpose. 

Is it all worth it, 

Am I gonna turn out fine? 

Oh, you'll turn out fine. 

Fine, oh, you'll turn out fine. 

But you gotta keep your head up, oh, 

And you can let your hair down, eh. 

you gotta keep your head up, oh, 

And you can let your hair down, eh. 

I know it's hard, know its hard, 

To remember sometimes, 

But you gotta keep your head up, oh, 

And you can let your hair down, eh. 

Only rainbows after rain 

The sun will always come again. 

Its a circle, circling, 

Around again, it comes around again. 

Only rainbows after rain 

The sun will always come again. 

Its a circle, circling, 

Around again, it comes around, 

But you gotta keep your head up, oh, 

And you can let your hair down, eh. 

you gotta keep your head up, oh, 

And you can let your hair down, eh. 

I know it's hard, know its hard 

To remember sometimes, 

But you gotta keep your head up, oh, 

And you can let your hair down, eh. 

Keep your head up, oh, 

And you can let your hair down, eh. 

Keep your head up, oh, 

And you can let your hair down, eh. 

Keep your head up, oh, 

And you can let your hair down.

Tiffany Carter..

This girl.. 

I could not love her more!

Definitely the best roommate I've ever had.

I seriously am gonna miss her everyday while she's gone.

California took her from me. :(

I can't wait to go out there to see her!

It will be the best trip of my life! :)

I'm thinking I'm gonna fly out to see her.

Its faster than driving. 

Probably would cost close to the same amount.

So it's a done deal. 

Time to save :)

This is for you momma... :)

Here's your new post mom!

I just wanna say what I'm thankful for.

I'm thankful for my:
Momma

Daddy

Siblings

my eyes look green kinda :)

My best friends

The Gospel  

Trials

Work

my Savior Jesus Christ

The Temple

Love

Feelings

New friends

Old friends

Missionaries :)

Funny Memories

Awkward Moments 

(odd i know. but i love them... sometimes)

Girl talk

Catch up conversations 

Naps...

Remember the days when we HAD to take naps?

I do.

I remember HATING naps. 

absolutely hating them.

what was I thinking?

Naps are the greatest things in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD!

I would give anything to take one at this very moment.

I watched my nephew curled up in a ball asleep on the couch, and I was SO jealous.

I think, everyday along with walking to the temple, I'm gonna nap.

Sound good?

I thought so...

Have you ever....?

Have you ever wondered why things happen the way they do??

I'm a strict believer of...

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!

 Honestly, I don't know why things happen the way they do. 

But they do.

So obviously we need to take what happens and grow.

If you sit and dwell, you'll be stuck in a rut.

I've been there. 

Sometimes, I find me there every once and a while, still.

However, that's not how I want to live anymore.

No one can dictate what I SAY or DO or FEEL.

That's all my choice. 

So when did YOU think that you could change that?

I choose to be who I am, and what i do.

You all should do the same!!

Don't let BOYS or GIRLS determine you.

That's your job.

Everything happens for a reason.

So, with that being said.

Meeting you made me find something out about myself.

I've let everyone walk all over me for wayyyy too long.

I'm my own person. 

If you don't like it.

You're just gonna have to get over that one, hunny.

BAHA!!! :)

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." 

-Marilyn Monroe

T.J.S.

Tessa. Jake. Shannon.

We've been best friends since jr high.

Now that's sayin somethin'. 

Love you both!

Isn't it funny...?

Isn't it funny when you keep on living your life and you get looked at funny, by that one person, because you haven't stopped to pine over them...? 

Isn't it funny when you make friends with the very people they don't want you to make friends with, because of them?

Isn't it funny?

I sure think so!

Missionary of the week:

 This is Ammaron. 

He's serving in the Fresno, California Mission. 

He looks GREAT right? :)

MISSIONARIES!!!

Okay. 

I HAD to post another one while this is fresh on my mind!

I. LOVE. MISSIONARIES.

Whenever I go out to the mailbox and see I got a letter, I FLIP!

I get so excited and rush in the house and open it up immediately!

The Elder's I'm writing are such amazing men that I just can't help but love them more than i already do!

They just build you up and not only that, they are building the Kingdom of God! 

How cool is that??!?! 

Way cool if you ask me! :)

Missionaries are the best! 

Props to all of you out there in the field! 

Props to all you RM's too! 

"For behold the field is white already to harvest; and lo, he that thrusteth in his sickle with his might, the same layeth up in store that he perisheth not, but bringeth salvation to his soul;" 

hmmm really?

Well a lot has been on my mind these past couple days. 

But do you think i can remember one thing? 

NOPE! 

It's kind of depressing that I cant remember what I want to say.

BUT! One thing's for dang sure. 

I LOVE MY TWO NEW BEST FRIENDS!!

Tiffany Carter and Valynn Strickland. 

You two make my life! 

Thanks for everything, even tho it's only been... a week? haha.

Still I love you both dearly! 

I wish I had a picture. 

I'll take one and get it up ASAP!  

How bout them apples?

Well here it is. My first post ever! Exciting right? 

Yeah, I thought so too. 

I've been trying to decide what to really blog about. and I don't want each blog to be ridiculously long. SO! I'm taking on the challenge and I'm going to do my best to entertain you all. 

Today, I went to help my sister Marianne out by taking her pizza for the kids who have read 100 books for the month. One little girl who was apart of the group came up to me and said, 

"can I tell you something?" 

and of course I'm going to say "yes." 

she's only in first grade. She then said this... 

"My dad told me you shouldn't eat when you're sad." 

I couldn't hold my smile in so I kindly asked, "why?"

She said back to me,

"Because when you eat when you're sad, you get fat and then start to die very slowly. 

Thats why you shouldn't eat when you're sad."

What a spunky little girl. 

I couldn't help but laugh when she left the room. So cute! :)

Missionary of the week:

This is Brent. 

He's serving in the New York, New York North Mission.

I just adore him.